first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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