with your own penis?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
