Screwed.edu
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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