I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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