I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
im holly from the hills drunk
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
