he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
