I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
