So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
