we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
whose ass print is on the piano?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
