Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
