I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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