still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
