Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
