i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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