Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
