return my video game
I wish I could teleport
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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