how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
