I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
