it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
