i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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