I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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