Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
