I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
