the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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