I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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