How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
honey bunches of taint.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
