will power is for people who don't want to get laid
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
