You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
