what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
