How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
