Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
