I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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