Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
