He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Less talking, more tequila
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
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