I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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