Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
