Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
