Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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