so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
