I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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