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oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
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