we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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