Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off

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  (310): its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off http://tfl.nu/w0tm
  Replies (2) Good night (563) Bad night (863)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride

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  (417): I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride http://tfl.nu/qcn3
  Replies (6) Good night (525) Bad night (2593)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.

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  (905): We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth. http://tfl.nu/mgri
  Replies (5) Good night (6784) Bad night (618)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7

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  (201): In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7 http://tfl.nu/idur
  Replies (153) Good night (1478) Bad night (4450)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  safety first

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  (763): she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle (612): safety first http://tfl.nu/lbuo
  Replies (32) Good night (5398) Bad night (748)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.

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  (210): He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax. http://tfl.nu/uaku
  Replies (14) Good night (1188) Bad night (7737)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came

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  (517): The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came http://tfl.nu/4ft9
  Replies (16) Good night (7084) Bad night (953)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.

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  (724): It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me. http://tfl.nu/9spl
  Replies (7) Good night (3751) Bad night (716)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza

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  (806): I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza http://tfl.nu/jih1
  Replies (3) Good night (1416) Bad night (695)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.

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  (814): She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow. http://tfl.nu/dddh
  Replies (3) Good night (378) Bad night (1189)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude, they all thought you were gay.

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  (412): Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls (724): Dude, they all thought you were gay. http://tfl.nu/k7ip
  Replies (7) Good night (1144) Bad night (439)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering

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  (954): She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering http://tfl.nu/ujc0
  Replies (6) Good night (521) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me

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  (203): I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me http://tfl.nu/c2wo
  Replies (6) Good night (1057) Bad night (311)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future

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  (+44): You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future http://tfl.nu/4nas
  Replies (1) Good night (477) Bad night (258)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.

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  (404): Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip. http://tfl.nu/cx8v
  Replies (2) Good night (208) Bad night (514)

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