Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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