Texts From Last Night

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  (323): View more from California

  just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo

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  (323): just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo http://tfl.nu/xr1e
  Replies (2) Good night (538) Bad night (936)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.

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  (219): sometimes i really wish you were a nugget. http://tfl.nu/qrxi
  Replies (31) Good night (2556) Bad night (731)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?

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  (863): During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart? http://tfl.nu/3xgk
  Replies (26) Good night (7350) Bad night (1096)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore

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  (702): I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore http://tfl.nu/l7gt
  Replies (37) Good night (5570) Bad night (2107)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..

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  (785): it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string.. http://tfl.nu/4pq8
  Replies (28) Good night (662) Bad night (7235)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"

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  (973): when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!" http://tfl.nu/xs9f
  Replies (3) Good night (2629) Bad night (1063)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday

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  (631): I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday http://tfl.nu/jy9z
  Replies (4) Good night (2363) Bad night (530)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.

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  (214): I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/p7x9
  Replies (6) Good night (2345) Bad night (592)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.

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  (928): I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone. http://tfl.nu/zx3z
  Replies (7) Good night (1596) Bad night (635)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me

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  (214): I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me http://tfl.nu/sx3p
  Replies (9) Good night (1458) Bad night (796)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.

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  (734): the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity. http://tfl.nu/gric
  Replies (5) Good night (1458) Bad night (533)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i have an important question...can you drink in jail?

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  (412): i have an important question...can you drink in jail? http://tfl.nu/ntk5
  Replies (9) Good night (593) Bad night (998)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.

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  (330): I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished. http://tfl.nu/wyym
  Replies (4) Good night (287) Bad night (497)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!

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  (352): I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!! http://tfl.nu/xhpg
  Replies (5) Good night (591) Bad night (315)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats

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  (916): I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats http://tfl.nu/tjrl
  Replies (2) Good night (346) Bad night (246)

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