So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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