People with herpes should wear stickers.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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