it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
