i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
