You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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