i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
