question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
