i can't believe i had my finger in that
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
