I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
