I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
