I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
