I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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