he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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