Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
