The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
