she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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